How do you end up a relationship for a long time?
Breaking-up to someone you knew and spend most of your time for a long time is heart breaking. Even in a friend relationship, saying goodbye to your friend is hard especially when you become so attached to the person.
Some people (classmates, friends, coworkers) come up to me and ask for relationship advice. Mostly, it’s about boyfriend or girlfriend relationship. I was asked as well about friend relationship. Though I can relate to a friend relationship; with no experience having a boyfriend, it’s hard for me to get a definite answer to those people who have boyfriend or girlfriend problems.
As an avid reader of the word “relationship”, I tried to do the best I can in my own perspective to give them some reasonable advice. Sometimes, I just used my common sense and everything that is based on what they said to me. I remember saying to someone. “He’s a jerk. Just forget about him. Why waste your time on the person who doesn’t love or care about you! There’s a lot of fish in the sea.” Probably, you are thinking ‘I’m bitter’ for not having any boyfriend: “I am just saying the truth.”
I have crushes when I was studying and fall in love twice, once was in college and second when I was working. The second time around, I was so devastated. I will tell you later why. Currently, I am single, I don’t have any boyfriend and I am fine with that. I am fine being me, not until I find the one (aha J)
Whenever people come to me about their bad relationship. I gave them some serious advice but at the same the end of the day, they will be the one who will make their own decision. I use the concept of “putting yourself in their shoes.” Somehow, I come to think, “Do I understand it after all?”
Okay, here’s the story I’ve been longing to tell. Ahem.
One day, during the first training in my work. I was sitting in front of the waiting room. Someone called my name; I look back and saw my previous coworker. His name was Nick (not his real name). I remember him because he was the person who didn’t resign and did ‘absent without leave’ at work and we never saw him again.
“What he was doing here?” I thought for a while. I greeted him and wave at him as well while smiling. I can never forget him because he is the only person who teases me at work, always went to my station and ask me to have a date with him but I always refuse because I never liked him and he was very annoying (also I felt him as being boastful). I don’t have any choice but to talk to him when we were in the training room. As time goes by, we began to be close. Since he was very kind to me and it seems he still has crush on me. After a few weeks of training, we need to be transferred for 3 months in the main location of the company. We have free accommodation and shuttle as well. It was my first time to be away from my family and live there for a couple for months, though I go home every two weeks. Sometimes, if I was so stressed out, I go home after a week. He was the person who makes me feel comfortable even I was away from my family. He always makes me feel so special. I thought he was just playing around until it gets serious. I knew I will never fall for him and I can resist my emotion. He always cares for me and always gives me what I want, though I didn’t ask for it. We became best friends; I know what he likes and he knows what I like. I get to know more of him whenever we tell our stories; I love that part when we have a long conversation before we sleep. Probably, I fall in his charismatic look and his caring attitude towards me. Still, like any other relationship, there are flaws and there are lies…
Okay, I am getting deeper to my stories. I am going to make it short, it’s not all about me either, it’s all about us and it’s all about what you feel right now.
He broke my heart. I was so attached to the person; when he finally let go of me, I was devastated. I was in pain and longing to have him again beside me. I didn’t realize I was lost. I forgot myself – the things I love to do. And love shouldn’t be like that. Love should be something that you are inspired off. I knew he wasn’t the one. He always said he likes me and he wants to be with me. That is not enough to justify his love for me. And that will not justify how much he cares about me. In short, he just thinks about his own happiness.
Of course, I cried. Our relationship is really complicated. We like each other but we need not be together. Well, I don’t want to think about it though because I want a serious relationship. He may be like me or not, I am sure that he is not the one for me. After all, he was toxic to me. I was not aware of it that time because I fall in love with him.
It’s like the first time he was crazy in love with me but I do not even notice him. Then when I am finally falling in love or in love with him. He leaves me. Take me for granted.
I’m done with him. I cut the cord and let the feelings go. It’s hard at first because I’m always with him everyday at work. It is for my own happiness. And people like him should be friends from far away.
Let me tell you the things that you should consider when saying goodbye in a relationship. This post majority is boyfriend or girlfriend relationship, It works as well in any other relationship.
These are somehow based on what I’ve observed and also my experience.
- He (She) always lie. In short – ‘dishonest.’
- He (She) is not happy when you are always achieving your goals and dreams.
- He (She) only see the negative in you – doesn’t support you.
- Doesn’t care about you or the things that matters to you.
- He (She) takes you for granted.
- You’re always fighting. Petty things grow bigger when you are fighting.
- You’re not living the way you want to be. In short, you are not you. You don’t do what you want to do; you don’t have free will.
- He (She) doesn’t give you space.
- The relationship is not healthy anymore. You always cry. You are stress.
- You know he’s (she’s) not right for you but keep thinking he might change someday.
What I’ve learned about love. Here’s a short poem. I wrote. Love does not hurt. If it’s time to let go and you feel the urge of it, follow your intuition. It will never let you go wrong.
The Art of Love
Love is maybe loud
or maybe quiet.
It is like a song that dances to the rhythm,
a song that touches your heart.
Love is mysterious.
It’s like discoveries and a journey.
It changes people’s lives.
What do I know about love?
Love comes in many forms.
A love for family, a friend,
a stranger, a husband or wife,
a brother or a sister…
I heard that “‘Love’ is all we need.”
And also a “‘Love’ we all we need to give.”
Love. There’s so much more in the word of love.
Falling in love: Is this love or being in love?
I fall in love many times in my life.
Every time I fall in love: Why I always left with a broken heart?
Did I get what love is?
I got confused many times about what it means to love;
In the perspective of falling in love or being in love.
It is true that a broken heart comes when a friend betrayed you or used you?
They are like toxic to you, like what happened to me;
I’ve got heart breaks from a friend.
I made mistakes,
I made mistakes on choosing a friend.
I just desire to be loved and appreciated.
Why they broke my heart?
But what I do know about love?
Simple. Love is like a verse if it doesn’t have melody it’s not a song.
It is said in the Bible that ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…’
I believe the love is like in the Bible
But why I cannot understand what it was?
What was the meaning of what was written?
Then one day, I fall in love the second time around
to a person I never thought I would love.
I fall into his trap.
Though he was kind and gentle,
It’s still wrong to be with him.
I hope I make it up to him that we were just friend
Then weeks came by, I saw myself falling in love
Suddenly, after a few months,
he left me without a word of goodbye.
Then he came back.
He became cold to me now:
Make me felt a stranger, a nobody he ever met.
I was hurt and broken.
I shouldn’t believe him the first time.
But it was too late to return back to the past.
I was crashing to pieces the second time around.
What do I know about love?
Love is not hurtful,
Love is not fearful,
Love cannot be distracted by any turbulence,
It is inviting, exciting, and encouraging.
Love is when you feel the ‘presence of God’
Love is when you already have your purpose
then meeting your true love.
Love doesn’t make you feel terrified.
It is not painful.
True Love is not self-seeking.
I woke up one morning.
I exclaimed, “Lord I finally get it”
I get it Lord.
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