“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.“ –Brene Brown
When I was in high school up until when I turned into college. I really struggle on showing what I really felt and what I want to say. I am having a hard time showing my true self. I am so shy and fearful to say what I think of like my ideas, dreams… I fear that people criticized me. I fear to make mistakes and be laughed at, so most of the time, even I have some great ideas, I kept my mouth shut. Most of my life I was trying to hide my feelings. I did not trust myself and doubt my capabilities at some point. How was I able to find my true authentic self?
When it says being authentic it doesn’t mean that you need to brag about yourself. Overconfident in not also being authentic – if you are hurting people and not humble enough to be compassionate towards others, it’s not being authentic. I believe authentic is being comfortable and confident with what you are and what you do. Authenticity is being true to yourself, to your feelings, to your dreams, to people around you. It’s accepting who you are and loving yourself. It’s being aware of yourself and your situation. It’s about being honest with yourself. When you are being aware of what you are; you are being conscious of what you do.
Are you being Authentic?
When you look at a dictionary what authentic means; it is “genuine”, “true”, and “original”. And yet people are trying to be other people.
There are some possible reasons why we are not being authentic.
We hide for what we really are because we believe that when we become us we are prone to judgments. Because of our past, we try to protect ourselves from others; we lost trust on people. We don’t want to show our vulnerable self, they might see our weakness and hurt us. We don’t want pain and we try to avoid it. There are times we were shamed and rejected whenever we express our hurts and fears, so we hide our true selves.
We have lived to be told that we are not good enough that in order to be accepted we have to be more smarter, more beautiful, more skinnier, more kinder, more generous… In order to be accepted, love and valued in a community, school, work and at home we try to change ourselves into the person we are not because that is what we feel that others want us to do.
Gossips are everywhere. Some people are not tired making stories about other people. We cannot stop them because that is their nature. What we can do is not believe in what they say. Labels are everywhere either good or bad. There are people that put bad label on other people and if we fall to their poison we tend to believe what they say. It’s not because of what they put label on you; it’s what they do to protect themselves from being judge and label too. What they did it’s not all about you; it’s all about them.
Fear of Rejection
Maybe some of you have been into a traumatic experience, being authentic can be scary to you. We fear that if we show our true selves, friends, lovers, people will leave us. You might fear what others think of you. Sometimes, you make assumptions of what others think of you and you believe what they say where in fact their intention was good. It is good to be clear than to make any assumptions.
Since we have the hunger to be loved, recognized, and accepted, we are afraid that if people really see our true identity, we will be rejected and not accepted. We constantly withhold our true feelings, emotions, thought and wants which often that we don’t recognize that we are doing what we don’t want to do. Shame holds us back from who we really are. But staying from the person you are not can lead to isolation and depression. There is what we call “toxic shame”. It can harm us and even when you know you are free, when it triggers the button it goes back like thunder. And we are hit again and felt the feelings of being isolated in the middle of the darkness. The feelings when we don’t want to go back, leads us back and it is stressful to us.
Acceptance, Forgiveness, Loving Yourself and Returning Back to the Real You
“At the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and know you want.” –Lao Tzu
Becoming Aware of What You Truly Are
Inside of you, know what you are and want you want. If you don’t like what you do, don’t do it. You don’t have to compare and compete with anyone. You just need to be what you truly are.
“Whatever your message, love yourself anyway, because of what you are, because you respect what you are… When you’re authentic, you can do whatever you want to do; you can believe whatever you want to believe, and that includes believing in yourself. ” Miguel Ruiz (The Fifth Agreement)
Be completely responsible for who you are and for all the choices you make in life. I’ve learned that when you release yourself of trying to be someone else and accept who you really are, you don’t care anymore whether people will like or accept you, it’s okay because you accept yourself the way you really are and that what matters most. Accepting yourself and your situation means you are ready for whatever possibilities that may come in your life. There are things you cannot control; acceptance is the only thing you can do. And when you accept yourself and your situation, you will have the power to create things that other cannot do. You unlock the power within you.
Forgiveness is not only what you give to other people is also what you give to yourself. Respect yourself for what you do or did and forgive yourself for what you have done wrong. When you forgive yourself, you are letting go of your own judgments about who you are. Forgiveness gives you peace of mind and freedom. It might be difficult at first but as long you forgive, you will say it is not difficult after all. Is it amazing that you release the burden inside of you when you forgive, right? Forgiveness doesn’t happen only once; you forgive every now and then.
Don’t wait for other people to love you, love yourself now. Loving ourselves is harder that we thought it was, it’s overwhelming at some point, but loving yourself is the greatest gift you could ever give to yourself. Loving yourself means taking care of you and giving yourself a freedom to breathe.
People that are courageous accept their self for what they are. They make bold decisions based on what they believe what is right. They have self-discipline and take courage when fears kick in. Be courageous and have the kindness to give.
Connecting to people who are genuine to you
Don’t settle for people who don’t appreciate and don’t accept you. There are millions of people in the world. Find connections to genuine people – people who like you genuinely and accept you for what you truly are. In this world that full of lies, it might be hard to find people that are into you, but when you are true to yourself, genuine people will show up. Find people that give out the best in you, not the worst. The relationship you have with people should be self-growing.
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